The Easy Road

Oh my Word. Life is moving and changing so quickly. Over the past 2 months, God has been unveiling new ideas and new ways of living. Lets see if I can sum it all up.

It all started when Roman had a horrible reaction to his asthma medication. I was scared and wondered what to do next. I didn't want to pump his little body full of any more toxins but was scared he would end up back in the hospital. Through a serious of prayers and people walking into my life, I consulted a chiropractor that specializes in natural medicine. She is now successfully treating me and Roman. After three months, I am free of lower back pain that I had lived with for over a year. Roman is healthy. He has only suffered from one minor cold since the beginning of cold/flu season. This is truly a miracle in itself. For now and hopefully forever, asthma has subsided.

In the meantime, God was teaching me about our ministry. Inspiring me with new ideas and totally new thought processes. He has shown me some incredible things. It is exciting to feel God so present in my life again. We were uprooted and transplanted - now living as missionaries in a convenient sort of way. Away from family but devoted to a group of individuals. Not worthy by any means - but wanting and willing.

Next, a call from a physician reminding me of something from my past. Her words "Ignorance is bliss huh?" may ring in ears for a long time. There are antibodies in my blood that should not be there indicating I have some sort of autoimmune disorder. One antigen in particular indicates Scleroderm - a horrible disease that potentially kills within 5 years.

I know that that Satan can be clever but I am on to him. In an effort to destroy my hopes and dreams, he uses defeat. He uses fear. This disease, I do not have. But let me just tell you that it did mess with my mind for a while. Still there are days I am weak and I give in to thoughts of defeat.

I took this information and asked God what to do with it. He is now leading me on a journey of holistic nutrition. Through research, I am learning about many things we consume which are proven to causes autoimmune disorders, cancer, etc. And learning about all the things we were created to consume that we do not. I am taking supplements, choosing food differently, and eliminating certain foods from my diet.

Like my last post, I believe this is another issue of black and white. We want to believe that what we are told regarding what is good for us is true. We want to believe that all the research has been done for us. The truth is there are agendas and there are mistakes. As an nurse, I was taught that medicine is truth. Never was I reminded to read the small print. The print that tells you that the medicine you are taking caused uterine cancer in 50% of the mice it was tested on. Never was I told that hydrogenated oils cannot be digested and float around as free radicals in our bloodstream.

We are given one body. At 29 years old, I have decided to finally take care of mine like it was a gift from God. It is right. Also I've decided to take care of my children (and my husband) the best I way I can. The easy road is not the best - it never is.

And now He is teaching me about my mind. You have heard "You are what you eat" right? I am learning that the same thing applies to my mind. I am eliminating certain TV shows that I absolutely adore. But the thoughts that are implanted into my head are detrimental. I said in my last post that if Satan can implant just one thought than he has power. I am focusing. I am meditating on God and His word.

So, there it is. The beginning of my journey to a physically and mentally healthier me. Right now, I am feeling really great. I am laughing more, breathing easier, and enjoying my days at a slower pace. I am learning to love unconditionally. It is Jesus that heals you. It is Him that teaches you and makes you better.

Black and White

My boys. They have absolutely no idea how much they are loved. They have no idea how I cherish every single smile, every single glance. I hold it in the palm of my hand like someone just gave me the world. My heart aches when I think of them being sick or someone hurting one of them. How can one survive this? There are days when the responsibilities overtake me. There is so much fear. Fear of sickness. Fear of sadness. Fear of hurt. And it is all around. Some days I feel it coming closer. I hear of pain that others must endure and I wonder how long it will be that I live in this world of shelter. How long can I endure under His wings. He didn't promise perfection.

May God give me peace in these times that Satan and his team are out to torment and destroy. They want me to believe I cannot be safe. They want me to believe it is my turn next. I am mad that I let them in. I am frustrated that I don't recognize them when they sneak around trying to latch on. They are leaches. Draining me from what strength I have left.

Black and White. We want to believe that is the way it is. Are the only things real those that are tangible? The truth is that there is this whole other dimension. We must see it to protect ourselves. We have to believe it exists and remember its claim against us. We have the ONE thing he can NEVER have - a promise. We have to protect our hearts, our souls, our minds from the enemy. If he can implant just one thought, he has power. He has no power in me or my family. I give everything to Jesus Christ. He is my understanding. He is my strength. He is my peace.

Recognize them. Remove them. You have power in the name of Jesus Christ because He lives in you. You are stronger. Let God build you up. Let God be your refuge in times of despair. God will deliver you from the enemy and be your safe place.

Catching Up

So many thoughts. So many things to reflect upon. But, since my time is limited, I will start with the most important and see how far I get tonight. The past 2 months have flown by so quickly. We went to Florida with my dad, which was a miracle in itself. More to come on that. The trip was amazing. Jude's first time to the beach and Roman's third.



Jude is ending his 6th month. I cannot believe how my baby has grown. Today, he stood by himself not holding on to anything but leaning against a box. He is picking up small snacks and feeding himself. He almost has the sitting up milestone accomplished but not quite exact. Still toppling over to the left or right. You can't lay him down without him immediately pulling a fast one. Before you know it he is on his tummy wiggling across the floor. He knows he has places to go and things to do but can't accomplish his dreams quite yet. He is maneuvering his way out of every infant seat. So, needless to say, we are in this in-between place that will pass very quickly. He is a hungery little one. When looking at his pictures that is obvious. He constantly wants to eat. And then he grunts! Grunts when he wants it and grunts when he eats it! It is like he knows there are so many wonderful things he has never tasted as he longs for each of your bites! He said Dadda, Momma, and Bubba all in two days of turning 6 months old. Today, just a few days from 7 months he is saying "Gan Gan" which is, of course, Gran Gran in baby language. He is a grabber. He reaches for EVERYTHING. He can't hold one thing long enough to know what he has when he is already reaching and stretching for the next. He talks, laughs, and plays with his brother already. Still in love with his mommy of course and I will soak up every second of it!



Roman. He is one intelligent little guy. Flash card expedition. DAY 1 - knew 2 letters. Day 3 - knew EVERY letter. I try to study preschool books with him and he already knows how to do everything. Things I have never taught him, he just knows. All about matching, mazes, shapes, sizes, the list goes on and on. He is even starting to sound words out already! He just embraces every part of life. Nothing will ever slip past him. He remembers and reasons on an adult level at times. He is a truly amazing person. He notices things I walk past. He is teaching me so much and helping me to see things I once ignored. He has a very loving and concerned heart. That is one thing I love about him. He truly sympathizes with people around him. He wants everyone to feel as loved as he does. I have seen tears in his eyes when he thought someone was hurt and he tries so hard to understand. Questions! There are at least 500 a day! "What does a minute mean?" "Why?" "What does a little while mean?" Never never say a word without being prepared to explain it. He wants to badly to understand life and all its mysteries.

Tonight, David is in Austin, TX, submersed in experiences of a lifetime. I am in KY with family, also embracing these moments of sereneness. There almost isn't room enough for all there is to consider.

What a Life

Jude is 5 months old. He absolutely loves his brother. It is really nice to have Roman to entertain him when I'm busy. I put Jude in the playroom in his walker with Roman and he is entertained for a long time. He longs to do the things his brother is doing. And he loves when his brother pays attention to him. I find Roman talking to Jude many times a day telling him "Its okay Jude. I'm right here" or "I love you brother." Roman likes to sit beside him in the floor and hold his hand while they watch cartoons together.

Jude is rolling and reaching everywhere. When he sees something he wants, he will do anything to get it. He was so quiet for so long but over the past couple of weeks he has started talking a lot more. We play a game where he grunts and I mock him by grunting. He laughs and laughs. That game can go on for a long time. He cackles out loud EVERY TIME you tickle his neck. His favorite this right now is a sippy cup. A few weeks ago I gave him a cup with some cold water and he LOVED it. He lays in his bouncy seat with it for at least 30 minutes. He will take a few drinks, chew on it, then spit it all out:) I think he likes to chew on it because its cold and feels good on his gums. He is eating solids twice a day now. He has finally decided he likes it! He gets mad if you don't feed him fast enough and grunts at you. You can't take a break in between bites! He is sleeping really well. Going to bed at 8 and waking up around 6 to eat. Of course, we have our night every so often where he likes to wake up every hour. But, for the most part, he is doing great.



I pulled out all of Roman's winter clothes this week. Jude is already fitting in all of Roman's 6-9 month stuff and some of his 12 month! He is such a solid boy which makes for a snugly little one! He has started one of my favorite phases which is playing with his feet.! Awww - I could sit and watch him play with his feet all day. Although, those feet can sure be distracting when he is trying to go to sleep and there they are - right in front of him - so tempting to play with. He is just so calm and sweet. He wakes from a nap by quietly talking and playing. Unless he decides he wants Mommy, then he lets out this painfully loud screaming cry. It is the only time he cries this way. It is very very sweet that he wants ME so much but a little frustrating when I can't leave him with anyone during church, for example, because they bring him to me thinking something terrible is wrong! Then, afterward he whimpers for a long times like he is trying to tell on someone for not doing right. When all along they were doing everything right.

Roman starts a new preschool year this Thursday. He will be going one day a week again this year. We do a couple of days of school at home during he week and everytime I try to teach him something he ends up telling me how to do it. He must pick up things very quickly. I sat down to teach him rectangle the other day and instead he showed my ALL 6 shapes on the page, then continued to draw an i. None of those things I had taught him except 3 of the shapes.

Roman told us a few days ago that he had 3 favorite places. They are Cracker Barrel, Target, and Chuck e cheese. He thinks Cracker Barrel is what we mean when we say we are going to stop somewhere quick and pick something up. No McDonalds - just Cracker Barrel:)

Roman went 5 solid months without sucking his thumb, then had a relapse. For some unknown reason, started again. Last weeks he has his second dentist appointment. He did awesome except says that he NEVER wants bubble gum toothpaste again. Then sold me a medication to paint on his thumb nail that taste bitter and will cause him to not be able to such his thumb. So, when we got home I sat him down and we had a talk about the medicine and what it does. He has not sucked his thumb one time since! He told me that we can take it back to the dentist because he doesn't need it.

It is so wonderful having two boys. They already love each other so much and are already playing together. Jude get so excited and starts swinging his legs and arms when he sees Roman driving his four wheeler or playing with his monster truck! I can tell they are going to be best friends and that is priceless.



I love these boys and I love our family.

Roman 3 / Jude 4 months

Roman had the best birthday party. Thanks to all the family's help and lots of friends showing up to celebrate, it was awesome! Roman told me a few days later that he wanted to have "another party next time like that." Mickey Mouse was everywhere. Water gun fights, the slip'n'slide, his new swing set, balloons, a four wheeler, dance music, yummy food and cake - you name it we had it going on! He deserved it all. Not only because 3 is such a milestone, but because the birth of his brother a few months prior had brought about a lot of new changes in his life. Literally, since the day he turned 3, he grew up. I've heard this so many times about different ages but right before my eyes I witnessed the biggest changes in his life yet. His thoughts are on a completely different level. No more baby. I think his arms and legs grew a foot over night. That babyish waddle and face seem to have disappeared. He insist on doing everything on his own. Each moment that he request me, I am quicker to respond because I know that those "mommy hold me" times are growing fewer as time goes on. But, another change I've noticed is how he wants me to see each "big boy" thing he does. He glances from the corner of his eye to see if I am watching. You bet I will NOT miss a single one. I am growing more patient and learning to listen more closely as I realize the fortune I have in my care.



Jude has also turned 4 months old! He has came alive. I'm sure he slept the first 3 months of his little life. He is truly a pleasant child. He rarely ever cries. A friend of mine made a comment recently that she had never heard him cry. And seriously, we will go days without a complaint from him. The BEST ever is his smile. You can glance at him with just a smile and he offers a shy little smile in return. I have to say that this little one is attached to mommy big time. He follows my every move. It doesn't matter who else is in the room, he always has his eye on me. He smiles with his whole face while squinting his eyes and tucking his chin to the side like he is embarrassed. He is babbling a lot. He has learned how to blow bubbles! He will started talking and blowing bubbles and this will go on forever. He totally knows he is doing it. He soaks up any attention. He loves for anyone just to sit down and talk to him. He can sit and play with his hands forever and be completed content. His eyes are so big! They just draw you in when you see him. His hair is coming is pretty thick now. It is blond but has an obvious red tone to it. Everyone says it is red but it is more like a strawberry blond - except when David holds him - then it does look more red. He is sleeping 8 - 10 hours at night now! We have tried a few baby foods and rice cereal. He is not interested in any of it! I've tried every day now for a couple of weeks and he just doesn't want anything but milk. He spits just about all of it out of his mouth. The only thing he has liked is banana - not the baby food - the real thing. He went to he doctor this week. He weighed 15.7 pounds, and was 24 inches long.

I've Been Thinking

I've been thinking. Life must be about decisions among your circumstances.

There is complete dissatisfaction.

There is complete satisfaction.

Then there is this "middle ground." Middle ground is a place you get stuck. For me, it is a place where I don't know what I want and become torn. Nothing gets done here. One day you feel one way and the next day another. Nothing ever changes here. Things you have dreamed of never happen because you never DECIDE to do anything. Instead, you wonder what it would be like. In a way, I think being completely dissatisfied would be better because then decisions would be made.

This is all personal by the way. These thoughts in no way are the thought of my family. I think they are all a part of a new chapter in my life. As I approach 30, I am thinking about what God is calling me to do. There are opportunities but I have to make steps forward. Middle ground is no place to stay. It is stagnant. My mind has wondered way to far in to no where land:) It is a evil trap. It could be the devil. We like to blame everything on him. I'm sure he likes me here since I seem to be doing absolutely nothing for the Kingdom of God in this place. Or it could just be me and human nature - to always dream about something different. Better or not, its out there.

Where did my passion vanish to? It seems to be undercover in a far away land. Probably is in "completely satisfied" land. I've got to get over this bridge. According to God, I've got things to do. I've got to get my eyes off myself and bring myself into an entirely different place. I think it is about balance, priorities, focus, and DECISIONS. I have two beautiful boys and a family to care for. It is a lot for anyone. But, as a family, all of us have things to do. Me, my husband, my boys, together we can accomplish many things in the Name of Jesus Christ who gave his life for us. I want Jesus for us all.

29

29 when I realized life really doesn’t turn out exactly like you think it will. I’m in a strange state of mind right now. This is where I have found myself a lot lately. I think I am trying to work something out. Just not sure what it is yet.

Remember when you were a teenager. You would dream of what life would turn out like. All good and perfect and wonderful. I’m reminded of the song Somewhere over the Rainbow.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

I can totally feel why the words to that song were written. Teenagers don’t dream about fighting and dept. They don’t dream about sickness and stress. I dreamed about marriage and children. Those things happened. But, it is all the stuff in between that is different. It is my cousin dieing of cancer and my parents divorce that I didn’t anticipate. It is my son having a terrible peanut allergy. I could take my eyes off him for one minute and he could die from it. It is the pace of life and the absence of family. It is the expectations and failures. It is the relationships that aren’t there. I could go on but I’ll save it.

I dream now and there is doubt. I think this is why adults loose their passion. This is why most of them get stale. They realize the things they’ve dreamed of are somewhere over a rainbow.