A blog about the reality of God's presence, love and involvement in everyday occurrences. This is a record of my journey towards discovery. I often share thoughts on femininity, scripture, motherhood, creativity and ministry.

Monday, June 2, 2008


I should be doing many other things at this moment. I could be cleaning my house. It is a disaster after the busy weekend. I could be taking a nap with my son. I’m still dealing with bronchitis and haven’t slept for nights. I could be folding the pile of clothes I am sitting on. I’m literally sitting on a mountain of clean clothes. But, my heart is deeply rooted with gratitude and I want to write it all down and figure it out.

Recently, I have felt my soul being shook up. I’ve been like a glass of water with lemonade mix settled in the bottom. The mix has been there all along - the livelihood of my spirituality and the flavor to my drink. I’ve recently known something was happening inside of me to awaken my connection with God. I’ve tried to talk about it which has lead to internal frustration when I wasn’t able to exactly figure it out. It wasn’t me that started it. It was God and I want it to continue. I’m ready to reboot this thing that was started a long time ago. I’m not one of these people that can be satisfied with where God has taken me. I fully believe that there is always more to be given. I fully believe that this is a continual process that brings me closer and closer to Him. I’m very tired of complacency and contentment in myself and people around me. I'm tired of going with the flow and concerning myself with what is and is not acceptable.

I should just admit now that I’m that crazy kind of girl. The one that believes God is doing crazy things all the time. The one that believes God is constantly speaking and healing and changing people. I want it to be me that God uses. I want to be His vessel. I’m ready to give up my sanity in the eyes of others to be as spontaneous as He wants me to be. I am committing to him wholeheartedly. Committing to give up the things that I recently thought mattered. I’m ready to seek God continually.

I am thankful for my pastors and I respect the calling to depth and leadership they’ve been given. I am thankful that they love God beyond measure and that they have been chosen to lead this church in what is to come. This past Sunday morning after hearing Pastor Aaron preach one of the best sermons I’ve heard, God confirmed in my heart that my family is exactly in the right place at the right time. I saw God speak through my Pastor in an amazing way. They were not his words but Gods. It is an honor and rarity to sit in the audience of a Pastor that has heard God and is directly speaking His words. I caught a glimpse of what God is in the process of accomplishing right in front of us. I am committed to pray and support our pastors. I am committed to praying that they hear from God in an extraordinary measure and that they are blessed. I pray that they are blessed so that the load of carrying our burdens is lighter. I am committed to praying that God is alive and rich in their lives every single day and they have many testimonies of how God has moved in their lives.

I am thankful for my mother and father-in-law. I have found a new appreciation for them. I love that they love God more than life itself and that they believe in Him in ways that no one else I know does. They have an amazing amount of faith that God is able to do anything. They believe that He is always working and moving in things all around us. Their commitment to God is admirable. This past weekend I realized more than ever that they are a great source of strength in mine and David’s life. Their hope is ALWAYS in God and it never waivers. At any time they are available to offer solid Godly advice and support. They remind me every time I am around them why I love God and why I have committed my life to Him and leading others to Him. They are always learning and growing closer to Him. They are always excited about what God is doing. I am blessed to have them in my life.

So, I am seeking God. I am setting my mind on Him. I am rebooting what was once started. I am asking God “What are you saying to me and people around me?” I am getting my head out of the ground and am putting God’s call into action. God has called me to live in holiness. Which for me means that I am done compromising. If it is questionable, I’m moving on. God has my family in this place in time not to have a job, a home, and all the things I could ever ask for. Those are bonuses that He has allowed. But He has called us to live extraordinary lives helping to save and give hope to people around us.

I am thankful.