A blog about the reality of God's presence, love and involvement in everyday occurrences. This is a record of my journey towards discovery. I often share thoughts on femininity, scripture, motherhood, creativity and ministry.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Jude 7/8months and Mr. Roster

Jude. Jude hit 8 months! He is absolutely nothing like his brother. He is hesitant, observant, demanding, pleasant, analytical.... He doesn't like major unexpected movements. Most of the time, if you toss him in the air, his arms will fly up and shake like he is terrified. The frown between his eyes indicates he would rather be securely resting in your arms. We put him in his swing outside this past week and there went his arms. Frightened. But, he LOVES watching his brother swing in a swing. Now that is comedy. Because he senses the laughter and love in Ro's voice. If you are happy, he is happy. If you are upset, so is he.

The way to his heart is love. Just sit in front of him and talk. Put your eyes right on him like there is no one else around and you will see smiles. You can tell when he thinking and figuring something out. But, he wants to do it at his own pace. By all means, don't rush him or he will tell you about it. He loves to be held so he can snuggle his face into your chest and hold on tight.

He wants mommy. Really. It is quite extreme. It doesn't matter who is holding him, his arms are stretched and he is leaning to whichever direction is closest to me. And, I don't even have to hold him. He just wants to be near me. He will sit on the floor and play happily if he has just one hand touching my leg or if he can just lean again me.

He finally got his first tooth at the end of his 7th month. Now it looks as though another may be on its way right beside it. He is sitting up perfectly and trying so hard to crawl. So so close! He can get just about anywhere he wants just not completely up on all fours yet. His desire to accomplish milestones is not as strong as Roman's was at this age. He is a thinker. I can see wisdom behind those eyes. Roman would jump out and try anything. Jude wants to put a plan together, so when he does it, it will be right the first time.

And he has a temper. According to stories I've heard, it's the red hair. He is quiet until something happens he doesn't like. Take a toy away for example and he will let out a scream like something horrible just happened.

His smile. Oh my. He tightens his little lips together so hard that his cheeks dimple. Definitely an original and irresistible smile.

So Jude and Roman have recently started the brotherly taunting. They tease each other out of meanness and love. Roman gets in trouble for it and we all think it is cute when Jude does it of course. Jude does not miss an opportunity to grab Roman's hair or bop him on the head with a toy. It is obvious he does it on purpose considering he lets out a mischievous squeal like he must hurry and jump on the opportunity before Ro gets away. I overheard Roman telling Jude this week "You are my best friend in the whole world. I love you brother."

Roman. He has so much love. He says "Mommy, thank you for making all this food for me" so passionately. He wants to know why EVERYTHING. Why is that sick bird laying on the porch. And he is no longer happy with our quick answers. He sticks around to see what exactly daddy is doing that he didn't want him to see. "Why did he put it in the trash can?" His little mind is way too clever as times. He talks to everyone. In just a grocery shopping trip Roman makes at least 5 friends. And he says so much that most people can only gather a few words. He is learning his Christmas songs and taking it very serious. Singing the words as loud as he can, memorizing, and practicing. He loves his classmates and his teacher this semester. He is very upset on the days he has to miss. He wants to do and be a part of everything. By all means, lets not miss out on anything!

I am very proud and thankful for these two boys. In the midst of recent tragedy among many friends, I am seeing the great fortune I have even more clearly. Each of them, a gift, created for a purpose. May they fulfill God's desire for their lives.

The Easy Road

Oh my Word. Life is moving and changing so quickly. Over the past 2 months, God has been unveiling new ideas and new ways of living. Lets see if I can sum it all up.

It all started when Roman had a horrible reaction to his asthma medication. I was scared and wondered what to do next. I didn't want to pump his little body full of any more toxins but was scared he would end up back in the hospital. Through a serious of prayers and people walking into my life, I consulted a chiropractor that specializes in natural medicine. She is now successfully treating me and Roman. After three months, I am free of lower back pain that I had lived with for over a year. Roman is healthy. He has only suffered from one minor cold since the beginning of cold/flu season. This is truly a miracle in itself. For now and hopefully forever, asthma has subsided.

In the meantime, God was teaching me about our ministry. Inspiring me with new ideas and totally new thought processes. He has shown me some incredible things. It is exciting to feel God so present in my life again. We were uprooted and transplanted - now living as missionaries in a convenient sort of way. Away from family but devoted to a group of individuals. Not worthy by any means - but wanting and willing.

Next, a call from a physician reminding me of something from my past. Her words "Ignorance is bliss huh?" may ring in ears for a long time. There are antibodies in my blood that should not be there indicating I have some sort of autoimmune disorder. One antigen in particular indicates Scleroderm - a horrible disease that potentially kills within 5 years.

I know that that Satan can be clever but I am on to him. In an effort to destroy my hopes and dreams, he uses defeat. He uses fear. This disease, I do not have. But let me just tell you that it did mess with my mind for a while. Still there are days I am weak and I give in to thoughts of defeat.

I took this information and asked God what to do with it. He is now leading me on a journey of holistic nutrition. Through research, I am learning about many things we consume which are proven to causes autoimmune disorders, cancer, etc. And learning about all the things we were created to consume that we do not. I am taking supplements, choosing food differently, and eliminating certain foods from my diet.

Like my last post, I believe this is another issue of black and white. We want to believe that what we are told regarding what is good for us is true. We want to believe that all the research has been done for us. The truth is there are agendas and there are mistakes. As an nurse, I was taught that medicine is truth. Never was I reminded to read the small print. The print that tells you that the medicine you are taking caused uterine cancer in 50% of the mice it was tested on. Never was I told that hydrogenated oils cannot be digested and float around as free radicals in our bloodstream.

We are given one body. At 29 years old, I have decided to finally take care of mine like it was a gift from God. It is right. Also I've decided to take care of my children (and my husband) the best I way I can. The easy road is not the best - it never is.

And now He is teaching me about my mind. You have heard "You are what you eat" right? I am learning that the same thing applies to my mind. I am eliminating certain TV shows that I absolutely adore. But the thoughts that are implanted into my head are detrimental. I said in my last post that if Satan can implant just one thought than he has power. I am focusing. I am meditating on God and His word.

So, there it is. The beginning of my journey to a physically and mentally healthier me. Right now, I am feeling really great. I am laughing more, breathing easier, and enjoying my days at a slower pace. I am learning to love unconditionally. It is Jesus that heals you. It is Him that teaches you and makes you better.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Black and White

My boys. They have absolutely no idea how much they are loved. They have no idea how I cherish every single smile, every single glance. I hold it in the palm of my hand like someone just gave me the world. My heart aches when I think of them being sick or someone hurting one of them. How can one survive this? There are days when the responsibilities overtake me. There is so much fear. Fear of sickness. Fear of sadness. Fear of hurt. And it is all around. Some days I feel it coming closer. I hear of pain that others must endure and I wonder how long it will be that I live in this world of shelter. How long can I endure under His wings. He didn't promise perfection.

May God give me peace in these times that Satan and his team are out to torment and destroy. They want me to believe I cannot be safe. They want me to believe it is my turn next. I am mad that I let them in. I am frustrated that I don't recognize them when they sneak around trying to latch on. They are leaches. Draining me from what strength I have left.

Black and White. We want to believe that is the way it is. Are the only things real those that are tangible? The truth is that there is this whole other dimension. We must see it to protect ourselves. We have to believe it exists and remember its claim against us. We have the ONE thing he can NEVER have - a promise. We have to protect our hearts, our souls, our minds from the enemy. If he can implant just one thought, he has power. He has no power in me or my family. I give everything to Jesus Christ. He is my understanding. He is my strength. He is my peace.

Recognize them. Remove them. You have power in the name of Jesus Christ because He lives in you. You are stronger. Let God build you up. Let God be your refuge in times of despair. God will deliver you from the enemy and be your safe place.