Yesterday, I ask God why I continue to loose my faith in His ability to help me.
It's the cycle of my life. I forget. I get caught up. I know the better way. Time goes on and I am there at the same place I have left so many times.
With unfortunate sadness in my heart I speak, "God please help me." You see, once you have known the PEACE of God, any other place is lonely.
I love the feeling that home brings. It is the place to let your hair down. The place to throw on some sweats and cuddle up on the couch under a big fuzzy blanket. It is the place to snuggle up with my kids and breath in their scents. It is the place to eat warm home cooked food and laugh together. It is the place you always want to come back to.
I have a place like that in my spirit. It is a place God takes me. I am home. His peace resounds in my soul. He infiltrates my mind and heart. I am oblivious most everything except what God is speaking to me.
I then say to God, "I am only here for a short stay. There are some other things I want to do."
I leave and begin a journey towards emptiness. I soon feel like I am lost between two places, belonging nowhere. I try so climb out only to fall again. I am overwhelmed. I wake in the mornings and want to go back to sleep because the day seems too big - too full of tasks. Nothing is ever accomplished. In exhaustion, I lay my head on my pillow at night feeling more overwhelmed than when I woke.
I plea, "God please help me." Each time He comes. Each time He loves me and mends me. He nuzzles down in my spirit and infiltrates my mind. He makes a home in my heart again.
Today, I read a book to my boys without rushing. I watched their faces as I told the story. The peace of God shines through me onto my children. They are calm. They are loving. And so am I.
20 hours ago