A blog about the reality of God's presence, love and involvement in everyday occurrences. This is a record of my journey towards discovery. I often share thoughts on femininity, scripture, motherhood, creativity and ministry.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Yesterday, I ask God why I continue to loose my faith in His ability to help me.

It's the cycle of my life. I forget. I get caught up. I know the better way. Time goes on and I am there at the same place I have left so many times.

With unfortunate sadness in my heart I speak, "God please help me." You see, once you have known the PEACE of God, any other place is lonely.

I love the feeling that home brings. It is the place to let your hair down. The place to throw on some sweats and cuddle up on the couch under a big fuzzy blanket. It is the place to snuggle up with my kids and breath in their scents. It is the place to eat warm home cooked food and laugh together. It is the place you always want to come back to.

I have a place like that in my spirit. It is a place God takes me. I am home. His peace resounds in my soul. He infiltrates my mind and heart. I am oblivious most everything except what God is speaking to me.

I then say to God, "I am only here for a short stay. There are some other things I want to do."

I leave and begin a journey towards emptiness. I soon feel like I am lost between two places, belonging nowhere. I try so climb out only to fall again. I am overwhelmed. I wake in the mornings and want to go back to sleep because the day seems too big - too full of tasks. Nothing is ever accomplished. In exhaustion, I lay my head on my pillow at night feeling more overwhelmed than when I woke.

I plea, "God please help me." Each time He comes. Each time He loves me and mends me. He nuzzles down in my spirit and infiltrates my mind. He makes a home in my heart again.

Today, I read a book to my boys without rushing. I watched their faces as I told the story. The peace of God shines through me onto my children. They are calm. They are loving. And so am I.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Happy Birthday Jude

I cannot believe my baby is 1 year old. This has been the fastest year to date. It seems like last month my water broke and sent me rushing to the hospital to delivery this sweet boy.

His 1st birthday party was a lot of fun! Yo Gabba Gabba is his favorite show. Any time it comes on he stops and dances. He is so sweet saying "Go go go gabba gabba." So, that was his theme for his party. Although he was not feeling well at the party he endured and had a great time! There was about 40 people there to celebrate his birthday!

He is walking (when he feels like it.) He would rather crawl because it is faster. It is quite funny because he is climbing and rolling off of things but not completely walking. Every now and then he will see something he wants and take at least 20 steps when no one is asking him to. He is VERY strong willed. Of course, you would have to be with a brother trying to control your every move. But do not ask him to do something he does not want to do. He will let you know about it! He lets out this high pitched scream each and every time.

The boys fight already - constantly! Isn't that funny. They want nothing more than to be together but throwing pushes and shoves the entire time. But, when someone else is around I hear nothing but love and affection from Roman about his brother. True brotherly love already. It is amazing. Roman looks out for that baby brother!

Jude learns to do things so fast! For his birthday his Pabba and Poppy got him a mini electric four wheeler. He figured it out right off the bat. He gets out there on the black top and rides his four wheeler with Bubby on his big four wheeler riding next to him! It just cracks me up that he crawls to his four wheeler to drive it around the yard! He is already showing me where some of his body parts are! He loves his toes especially! Yesterday Roman got a jar of bubbles. Jude watched us blow them for about 10 seconds then crawled over and started puckering his lips together and blowing!!! I held the bubble wand up to his lips and he blows bubbles! That cracks me up! I love watching him figure things out!

He is brave. He truly has no fear. Riding that mini four wheeler scared Roman to death until he was at least 2! Jude never looks back. You can see the desire in his eyes. He sits, watches, then once he has it figured out in his head, he goes for it - But it has to be his idea.

He is very smart and a little mysterious. Where his brother Roman might be coached into doing some crazy stunts because he likes to be the center of attention, Jude is just perfectly fine doing what he wants to do. If you don't like it, then get over it! It takes a while before he decides if he trust someone or not. He likes dependability. Roman on the other hand, if you are going to take him somewhere cool, he will go anywhere with just about anyone - just as long as he knows he is coming back home.

Roman is Mr. Creativity. The list of made up words is still lengthening. The newest addition is "Treadja." If something disappointing happens he says "oh treadja." It is hilarious! He listens and hears EVERYTHING. He understands some things on an adult level. He is curious. For example, he wants to know who everyone is that I speak to. Not only does he want there name but he wants to know where they live and what they do. He proceeds each of those conversations with "Maybe I can visit their house sometime." He love people and loves to lean about what different people like. He really cares deep in his heart. He wants everyone to be as happy as he is.

They are both LOVING the outdoors. David can't seem to get why I let them both play in the dirt but they love it! Jude's favorite thing to do outside is to dig in pots. He finds is fascinating to keep digging through all the wet soil until something interesting comes along like a rock or stem! They are both beautiful. Both of my boys are perfect! They make me so very happy.

I love their differences. Both are amazing in their own uniqueness. Using different gifts from above, both will accomplish amazing things in their lifetimes.

Happy Birthday Jude! We are so blessed to have you in our lives.