A blog about the reality of God's presence, love and involvement in everyday occurrences. This is a record of my journey towards discovery. I often share thoughts on femininity, scripture, motherhood, creativity and ministry.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

6 Months Pregnant with my Girl

I Wish I Could Marry you Mommy

Roman told me today "I wish I could marry you Mommy but Daddy already did." He said, "But, I can pretend," and we proceeded to reenact my recent sister's wedding. Only this time, Roman was walking me down the aisle.

This melted my heart but it also made me think about our wedding. When I married David, I knew I was in love. I knew that all I wanted was every minute with him and a lifetime of shared dreams. I knew that I was a girl head over hills for a boy that had swept her off her feet. I knew that he was a gift from God and made just for me.

But, looking back, there were many things I did not know.

I did not know the man and father he would become. I did not know the way he would love me or the way he would take care of me when I needed it most. I had no concept of the richness to come in my life because of him and his faithfullness to Jesus Christ, to me and our children. I had no way of understanding the deep love he would have for our children and the way would protect us. I didn't know that I would never doubt his devotion to us and his honesty. Such loyality and honorability is rare and I am beyond grateful.

Girl Girl Girl

On Friday, May 27th, at 3:30pm, my whole world changed. It has literally been turned upside down, in an amazing way, and I'm not sure what to think or how feel about it! I haven't stopped crying or smiling since that time yesterday.

We squeezed the whole family in a tiny ultrasound room. I wasn't nervous or even phased much by what was happening. You see, 3 weeks prior, at my 14 week ultrasound, the tech and I both agreed it definitely looked like a boy. I was good with a boy, excited even! So, yesterday, I was more excited about my family getting to see this baby for the first time than anything. I was talking and talking and she had to interupt me to say, "Okay, are you ready?" I said "yeah" and kept talking. Then, I heard "There is definitely some internal plumbing there!" Normally, I would get that joke right off the bat. But, I just sat there and looked at the screen, confused..... David immediately started crying. Note: this is the first time he has ever cried at an ultrasound. The Dr. looked at me, knowing I was momentarily lost. She finally clarified, "It's a girl!" I started screaming, I think. I can just rememeber saying "What!!!!" over and over again. I'm sure you could here me in the hallway. Then, I cried - a lot. Laughed and Cried. Laughed and Cried.

I can't explain what I am feeling inside. It's more of astonishment. I am utterly thrilled and now this pregnancy looks completely different. I am so thankful for a healthy baby girl growing inside my tummy! I am amazed by God and His goodness.

I found these baby clothes, in the pictures, in my attic. My mom gave them to me a couple years ago but I never dreamed I would be able to use them! They were mine when I was a baby. I love theDaddy's Girl one!!

We are so happy to be welcoming Baby GIRL Huff into our family

Baby Girl

I am 6 months pregnant with you! My tummy seems to be quite a bit bigger with you than with your brothers. I have felt really great with you. Well, all except for the kidney stone I suffered from last week.

After 3 hospital trips and 6 nights in the hospital it was finally determined that I had a kidney stone. It completely blocked my right kidney for 6 days until I had surgery to remove the stone. I’m so sorry you had to go through so much. I cried, worried and prayed a lot! You received a lot of medicine and radiation which I was not happy about. I feel confident that God protected you through everything. He has never failed me and I know He will never fail you. Now, I’m home and better, and hoping the rest of this pregnancy is a breeze so I can do everything I need to do to prepare for you. And so you will be safe.

Your room is almost ready. I’m using an old quilt I’ve had for 9 years. I’m so excited to get to use it for my girl! The walls are pink and I sewed a chair cover and bed skirt to go with your bedding. The bedding is all vintage cream to match the old quilt. I also refinished an old chandelier. I painted it cream, roughed it up a bit and hung jewels from it. I am beyond thrilled that you are a girl and that you are just who you are. Although, it is still hard to believe that you are a girl. It’s almost too good to be true.

I’ve been trying to name you for weeks. I have though thousands of names over and over. I am really stressing naming you!! With the boys, it was much easier. I have a list of names but I want to KNOW! I want you to have a sophisticated, not too trendy, timeless, beautiful name. I want it to have a wonderful meaning to represent who you really are. I want you to always be proud of you name. If only, I knew you already, then maybe it would be easier to name you!

I love you already. I love that you respond to our voices and to our touch. You are stretching from one side of my tummy all the way to the other already! Just a few more months to go until we see you. Try your best to stay inside as long as you can so you can be all ready to come out in our world as healthy as can be!!

Jude 2

You are 2! I look down at your hands and legs and feet and am surprised each time at how big you are. Yet, you still a baby and you wouldn’t have it any other way! If you could just spend all your time with Mommy, your blanket & paci and a couple small action figures, all would be perfect!

When you wake up, you need time to lie around and wake up! Your brother’s eyes pop open and he is ready to run a marathon. You find this annoying. Roman wants so much to play with you when you wake up and you get mad! You want peace and quiet and him not picking on you. 20 minutes later you are ready to go. You really enjoy your sleep and require more of it than Roman ever did.

You haven’t seemed to be affected by the “terrible 2’s” and I’m not sure you will. You are calm but assertive. You know what you like and what you want to do and don’t really want anyone telling you otherwise – unless it’s me! You don’t mind to listen to me or Daddy. You just don’t want your overly eager brother trying to change your mind. I’m glad you can stand your ground! That is a good thing.

Your favorite thing to do is wrestle with Daddy on the living room rug. You love playing with Daddy. You say “Daddy, play with me.” He plays much better than me!

I was recently in the hospital with a kidney stone for a week and you got to stay at home with Gran Gran. Once I got home, you told me for over a week how glad you were that I was feeling better. You would touch my cheek and say “I’m so glad you are feeling better Mommy.” Then, you say every night “I hope you don’t have to leave again.”

You have a baby sister on the way!! You like helping me pick out names and repeating them back to me. Also, the way you say “Girl or Girel” is super cute.

We recently went to water park for a weekend get-a-way. You really surprised us!! We have always said you had no fear if it was something you wanted to do. You wanted to do everything your brother was afraid to do – even go down one of the largest water slides with Daddy. After doing it once, you didn’t want to do it again. But, your mind was set to do it once. When we were in the pool you wanted to just jump right out of my arms and swim on your own!

I love you being 2! The stories you tell me are hilarious. You are starting to try and tell jokes and be funny. Your little language is adorable. When you get excited about something lately you’ve been saying “It’s the best in my life!” or “the greatest ever in my whole life!”

You pretty much are never fearful. You just want to do your own thing at your own pace. Your mood determines a lot about how you act. Good mood equals a lot of fun and a more easy going attitude. Quiet mood equals a leave me alone I’m doing my own thing attitude. They are each about 50/50!

You come out of your shell once you have time to relax and settle in a situation. Yesterday, at the park with the youth group, you jumped right in, ran around, and played ball with everyone. You were the star of the show because you’ve grown familiar with them all. But, you are not the child to smile and wave at every stranger that pays attention to you. You pretty much loose expression and become silent when strangers talk to you.

You obey well and listen to instruction and warnings. I don’t have to worry about you doing much of anything without asking if it is okay first. But – if you are told “no” you are fully capable of crying and whining for an endless amount of time to let us know of your disproval. Other times you are good with just saying “okay” though. I like those times!

I think you are going to be a great BIG brother. I seem to be getting excited about taking care of the baby girl. You are very nurturing, calm, and peaceful. I have a feeling she is really going to love you as well! You are getting excited about bathing and feeding her. I am sure you don’t fully understand the extent to which you will have to share me though! Right now, you can pretty much persuade Roman out of the spot right next to me just about any time. This sweet girl may be changing things up a little! Or maybe you will be being to share me if you’re involved in her care. We will see!

I love you sweet baby boy!


Roman 5

I remember when I was 5. I felt so big. I remember things I learned and friends I made. I remember thinking about which boy was cute in my class and which of the girls didn’t like me.

I can’t believe you are 5 years old! I’m seeing you work through your emotions and test us like nobody’s business. You are one strong willed child if there ever was one! You are always a challenge us and keeping us on our toes. But, you are my sweet boy. I love you more than I knew I could love anyone.

I love to hear your stories and watch your brilliance. You are full of fear but always embracing situations to the fullest once your fear is relieved. You “think” so much about things that you analyze every situation imagining what could possibly go wrong. You are quickly learning that often we miss out on really great things when we are scared.

When you are with your friends, you are much more carefree. You jump right in and lead the pack! You are full of life and laughter. You are extremely thoughtful and loving. Maybe we “baby” you too much, becoming crutches. Most of your friends have been in daycare all their lives and you have not. I believe this makes a difference. I love to see that carefree side of you!! You are so much happier!

You like things to be done your way. You are so interested in stories and your surroundings. I could tell you a story about a silly worm and you would listen intently then retell the story to someone else! I love that about you.

You tried t-ball this season and turns out you did not like it! The practices where you got to play casually with Daddy and friends on the field were fun but once games started, you were over the competition. So much for rules! You want to run and play! I don’t blame you. We didn’t like it either. You keep saying you want to play tennis so we may give that a try next. VBS was a different story. You LOVED it! Busy Busy Busy is what you like! You want to dance and sing and eat and play and that is exactly what you got to do.

You graduated from your preschool program and now your brother is starting next month. You will be starting Kindergarten at home with me. Plus – you are taking a day of fun classes at a local tutorial. You love learning and will be easy to teach!

We recently went to a waterpark for a small weekend get-a-way. It took you 2 days to build up enough courage to stand under the huge water tank that dumps on your head but your finally did!! It was a big deal and after a lot of thought you decided it would be worthwhile! You also loved the pool and learning to swim.

Mommy was recently in the hospital with a kidney stone and Gran Gran was able to come stay with you and Jude. You came to visit and hugged on me every time. You were so thoughtful and loving letting me know I was missed (even though you were secretly having the BEST time with Gran Gran!)

You have a baby sister on the way!! It took you a few weeks to adjust to the idea once we found out it was a girl. You would cry at church if someone asked about her. You even said “Mommy, who will take care of the baby since you already have two boys to take care of?” You were concerned about me and also what changes a baby girl would bring. You seem to be doing much better with the idea!

You continue to say you want to be a pastor when you grow up so you can be with Daddy a lot. Favorite thing to do is wrestle with Daddy on the living room rug (And play the Nintendo DS you got for your birthday.)

You and Jude are sharing a room now to prepare for the baby girl. You LOVED the idea. I think he makes you feel safer. Only problem is you hate sleep and Jude loves it. So, you do a lot of interrupting of his sleep. But, you try to sneak out and not wake him….. Sometimes you are successful.

You are funny. I love listening to your stories about your own little experiences. You have good humor. You build up your stories to make sure I understand how great they are by saying things like “you’re not going to believe this” and “it was the great thing in my life!” You NEVER stop talking. And that is no exaggeration!! You sure have a lot to say!

I am proud of you my big 5 year old but you will always be my sweet baby boy!