A blog about the reality of God's presence, love and involvement in everyday occurrences. This is a record of my journey towards discovery. I often share thoughts on femininity, scripture, motherhood, creativity and ministry.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

These are the Moments

There are unforgettable moments. Those that happen whether or not we are looking. They seem to be out of our control.

There are others we choose to see. Those are the moments you look around the room and realize life is surreal. You are pulled back like an out of body experience to see it.

And others happen if we allow them. You wonder off the path to walk through the tall grass and trees to see the stream. It was beautiful before. The air was crisp and the sun setting. But there isn't much more amazing than sitting in a place you've never been before. Leaves crumbling under your feet and water streaming over the rocks. The trees are encompassing, tall and leafless. It's a warm winter day in KY.

These are the kind of moments I sense God. These are the moments I realize my life doesn't go on because I am making it go. It's not my successes or failures. It's Him causing my heart to beat inside my chest. He is the creator and the one who sustains. I can find rest in Him. In the quiet, in the stillness, in the unknown, He found me. I pause and allow Him to make Himself known. My life is much richer this way.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Finally

I was diagnosed with diabetes during my first pregnancy nearly 6 years ago. It never left. Since then, I've believed. I've believed that God is the God of miracles. I like to believe in crazy supernatural experiences. The Bible is full of them and I just know in my heart those encounters can still happen. I've proclaimed it. I've been bold to announce it and then disappointed more than once.

In my heart, I believed that if only I could have experienced a healing myself, then people would be more likely to believe it can happen. That maybe I could pray with others and see them healed too! Once I thought I was healed, it built my faith so much that I prayed for a girl I barely knew that her unborn baby would be healed of his malformations. One week later I found out her baby was seriously healed and that I was NOT.

It has been an ocean of waves these past 6 years. One moment I believe and the next I accept my sickness like it is my burden to carry. Like it was the one downfall in my extremely blessed life. Often I thought, others have to deal with so much more than diabetes. At least this was treatable. I can deal with this, even if it is forever. Recently, I finally stopped proclaiming it. I finally accepted it.

I don't know why God decided to heal me now. After all this time, He decided it was right. After all my believing, He waited until my faith was the weakest. I think in my circumstance, He waited until I needed it most. He knew there would come a day that I needed to know His power again.